you have no idea how horrible my english is, if i were to converse with english-speaking homosapiens~ but.. but.. if i talk to myself, masha-allah! power sekali english I! the tenses..the vocab, i tell you.. i was like those english homosapiens! oh yah.. if i talk with my siblings, same thing here.. i was superb! but why aa.. im not that superb while talking in front of the class, with my lecturers, with the homosapiens!! hm.. could it be that i feel 'diri-ini-kerdil-jika-dbandingkan-dgn-kalian' that my english is a complete disaster?????? humph! silly, weird me!
i have a friend, who was once like me.. but the friend made the effort to improve like me.. but somehow, the friend managed to do it while im still struggling to get my words organised.. seriously, i suck! hm.. quite sad about this.. i mean my future has something to do with this language and im no where near to accomplishment.. Lord, what should i do? help me.
if im not mistaken, whenever i talk or discuss or just pointing out my idea.. nobody seems to understand anything im saying.. they were lost, or should i say, i was lost! that's my second problem.. i hardly pointing my point well.. a good is not good enough.. barely i tell ya, barely! aduii~ so hard aa like this.. i feel like im hopeless when everybody, now thinks im not good at making decision or standing at my own point or things related to that..
could it be that i dont have the courage? could it be that i want everyone to be satisfied with me that i was like.. like.. emm.. sort of.. that? hm.. could it be that i suck big time? aish.. i feel like it. i mean, nobody respects my point of view.. nobody! geez.. people just want to win everytime, didnt they? i am very thankful for my 'mnyerah-kalah-selalu' attitude.. if not, lama dah putus kawan.. why cant they lose to me for once.. and listen to me. what are their motive? what? tell me? to show that i dont matter? my words are all rubbish? if nobody follow your words, you will have no feeling to continue this life? then, what about me? oh. --im writing this with emotion-- suck!
--kkeut--
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