azam 2012?

Wow, jam baru ja kul 10pm.. dah bunga api, mercun.. mletup merata2! semangat jiran2 aku menyambut tahun baru! semangat mereka mybbkn aku pun bsemangat juga~ tapi kan.. entahla.. tahun ni, kurang sikit efek, syok, excitement nak mnybmbut tahun baru~ adakah kerana sya smakin bfikiran matang? hm. entah la.

Azam tok tahun dpn pun sya belum buat lagi.. so, sambil taip2 sambil buat azam la~ Okay~~

2012, a new chapter lies ahead. For a year and half, I went through foundation course year as a future teacher. Well, before the holiday, our final year exam took place. and recently, results were out. and yes, I made it! Means, now i have another 4 years to go through and this is A HAPPY THING for me!

Jadi, azam tahun 2012.. do my best in my first degree year in everything that I do. improve! improve! improve! yahoo!

THough i can sense that i might lose grip and back to the old me, but.. we'll see. if we fall, we get up. that's how we do it. that's how we deal with life. so... bring it on new year!

itu azam tok pelajaran saya. azam tok diri sendiri.. azam.. azam.. be a better me, perhaps. could be.. alright!.. be a better me for everyone and definitely for me. i learned alot of things the past year i had been in my study place. so, i really want the new me to be able to deal with any difficulties especially in friendship.

I have a friend who do help me and be my ears when i need someone. She's the one that i could rely on. I'm lucky to have her by side. I may be a bad friend to her.. I experiment friendship while im with her.. thanks to her.. i realised how bad i was to her. so 2012, i want to be a great friend to her. i may not be able to be the friend that she wants me to be.. but i will try to be, for her. Father, thank you! She understands me. :)

THere you go my azamS! i did not make any for me to my family because, i know.. i will be spending most of days with my friends. I keep my family in prayer while im away. i dont need any to be a better me. i already do. they are the better me. i dont care what other people might say about my family. i have been living with them for my whole life. so i know them as they know me. TOUCH MY FAMILY AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOURS EVER! ^_^ i threat people? sorry, but i still meant it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.. NOW IT'S 10.21PM!

30 days of blog challenge.. list!

I have 2 challenges.. so, finish one. another one is waiting. but here is the first challenge.

1. Weird things you do when you’re alonge.
2. How have you changed in the past 2 years?
3. What kind of person attracts you.
4. What you wear to bed.
5. 5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.
6. The person you like and why you like them.
7. Your opinion on cheating on people.
8. Something you’re currently worrying about.
9. Your last kiss.
10. Your views on drugs and alcohol.
11. Your currently relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
12. Things you want to say to an ex.
13. A date you would love to go on.
14. Something disgusting you do.
15. The best things to happen to you this week.
16. 3 things you are proud of about your personality.
17. Things that make you scared.
18. Disrespecting parents.
19. Something that never fails to make you feel better.
20. The last argument you had.
21. Something you can’t seem to get over.
22. 10 things about you people don’t really expect.
23. Something you always think “what if…” about
24. Things you want to say to 5 different people.
25. 10 ways to win your heart.
26. Your religious beliefs.
27. Talk about your siblings.
28. The month you were happiest this year why.
29. A picture of yourself.
30. What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month.


about the second challenge.. i'll get back to that, after im done with this one.

this whole challenge thing, i saved it for 2012.harap maklum.

DSC-WX7, sounds tech-y isn't it?

Trip to Sabah, remember?

You see.. i told my parents that i want a camera. if they couldn't get me the extra large black cam aka DSL, at least the small kind would do. so, before the trip.. I browsed all the D-cam available in Malaysia. i SPECIFICALLY browsed for SONY. because from my observation, the quality of the image taken using their camera is great. other brands are great too, but, my eyes were attracted to the one and only Sony cam.

There i was, browsing and comparing.. i found 2 cams, the one that i have now and DSC-WX30. the characteristics are almost the same, but 30 is a touch-screen cam and the other is not. I put aside that thought, until i found the cams, then i decide, i told myself.

So, while we were cruising the mall.. my eyes were attacking every phones, cameras booths around. alas, i found D store! it sells cameras of many brands.. then, sitting inside the transparent glass.. WX7 was looking at me. while the manager was pulling it away from my view, my mind started to argue with itself.. buy or not to buy?

consoled my mom, though not much of her words were getting to me. i decided, if not now.. when will it be? so, forgive me mom, dad.. i bought it. thank you for the money. i will pay you guys back one day.

it always be my dream to own a camera. watching friends and strangers snapping photos with their luxurious DSLR.. i could only stare and watch them doing their thing. it's hard when you live in the time zone where everyone wants every piece of modernisation in their life. so much i wanted to live like them, i think of my parents. i let them decide for me of what i should have now.

the desire to want that piece of metal was once a desire that both my parents knew about. they didn't say much. they didn't ask me to stop asking. but deep down, through their silence, they always makes me want to resent and lay low for awhile. everyone knows this non-verbal communication, it's parents-children thing. so,not until this year, this new life i have. the desire to own one.. getting stronger.

people around me, they beat me. one by one.. showing up with their flashy item. how it kills me. my biggest desire was the DSL. but i knew, my parents couldn't live up to my desire so, i persuade lusty, to ease down and thought of something less money. so, i build up the liking of snapping photos with a palm-sized memories catcher~ i thought, ''hey, someday i will own that but lets start with something smaller, it's colourful just like me! suits me the best!"

there you go, i bought it. DSC-WX7. the best digital camera that i ever have. hm.. sometimes i wonder, can i consider this as my own? the money was certainly not from my bank. the guilty of owning it, is slowly been murdered by sharing my happiness with others. yeah.. besides, it's also theirs. this fact, they don't know, because i had printed my signature all over the camera. wow, i am like A con artist. living among those who thinks halos are floating and shining all over me. LOL. 

I will never forget this. THANKYOU. if only they could read this. did you know, im not that affectionate? it's hard to express my love to someone that i love. i love them, but they might see the grumpy, selfish, mean person. cold eh? im not. i just dont know how.

2011, holiday n vacation

Alo.. cuti dah nak habis~ wait? what? dah nak habis?? aigoo~~

Well, I did spend my holiday.. resulting my recent emotion, happy! :D I am just like everyone else, to get to that happy state, I went through some rough time.. it hurt alot. but alot doesn't mean, I am totally devastated. Just my heart couldn't bear it. Tears flowed. Nose got runny. Eyes turned red and swollen. But as far as I remember, it only happened once. during my holiday and my vacation. what an awkward moment. Yeah.. not really what I want to share in my blog. just in case, I read it again in the near future and stumble across this post, yeah.. that stuff.

OKie.. this year, we went to SABAH. again! :D what makes it different was this year, we went there by car. COOL right! we got to make passport, and drove pass Brunei.. in and out.. in and out.. got to see the beauty of the nature clearly*though most of the time, i slept.. carsick is my honest reason* the whole trip was amazing! Puji Tuhan nadai kecelakaan sepanjai kami ba jalai alun. Halleluya!

Christmas Day was spent on the road. that's right! on the road. on our way back to home. Hey, we were staying closer than ever right? in one car. how not close are we in there? LOL.

Now, here I am. in  my house.. spending the last holiday with the rest of the family member. and yeah.. im not gonna lie.. it's such a headache right now! my little brother was trying to sit on my back!!! i am pretty paranoid about this.. i am afraid to get hurt. plus, he's not that light. he could break my arms! sucks this paranoid. aigoo~~~ ohwell, im not gonna experience this when im back to campus, am i? so.. i guess. yeah.

Tuhan Yesus, benar!

CLICK JIKA ANDA RAGU RAGU AKAN TUHAN YESUS --> http://domba2domba.blogspot.com/2011/08/kesaksian-brani-duyon-bahagian-2-enam.html SAYA PERCAYA, SEGALA KERAGUAN ANDA AKAN HILANG!

---berikut mrupakan kesaksian seorang hamba Tuhan--- Tuhan Yesus berpesan kepada hamba tersebut.. ada 6 pesanan kesemuanya..

Pada waktu petang tadi, saya bertanya kepada Tuhan sambil melihat awan di langit... jika difikir-fikir semula, saya meragui sebenarnya.. saya ragu akan kewujudanNya.. saya meragui akan kewujudan syurga.. saya meragui akan segala-galanya yg berkaitan denganNya. termasuk hari dimana Tuhan Yesus akan datang buat kedua kalinya.. benar ka? atau dongengan~ hati ku terbahagi kepada 2.. ya atau tidak.

Akibat mengantuk, saya mengiyakan saja walaupun saya tahu jauh di lubuk hati saya masih meraguinya.. mungkin saya takut untuk menidakkannya kerana setahun lebih saya dah didedahkan dengan ajaran Tuhan Yesus.. jadi kebenaran ada di situ.. cuma kadangkala saya ragu ragu. now that im thinking of this.. adakah saya kurang melayan Tuhan, jalan yang saya lalui semakin gelap? semakin menyimpang? oh.. adakah ini kerja syaitan? membawa hati ku jauh? oh, Tuhan.. bersalah sungguh hamba mu ini.. okay balik kepada cerita kita. 

so, tadi saya main facebook.. ternampak kakak sorang ni online.. kakak ni seorang yang setia melayan Tuhan, seriously setia.. suka saya dengan peribadi kakak ni~ ^_^ so saya view profile kakak ni.. then, terserempak dengan blog ni*yg tertera dlm wall kakak* so tekan.. then habis baca yg tu.. yg mngenai kesaksian seorang hamba.. then saya ternampak satu link di sebelah *yg tertera di atas* jadi saya baca.. and boy i tell ya! it really open my eyes! 

Link tersebut sesuai dibaca untuk kristian yang percaya tapi keraguan masih ada.. seperti saya yg dahulu. baca la dengan harapan. then leave everything to Him. He is real! Jesus is real and so is heaven! I want to go there! I want all the Christians, no..i WANT EVERYBODY GOES TO HEAVEN! for it is real! Praise the Lord for all the witnesses! they shared a great deal of telling the whole world that our Father is exists! Haleluya! Amen!

English..

straight to the point.. my english sucks, real life!
you have no idea how horrible my english is, if i were to converse with english-speaking homosapiens~ but.. but.. if i talk to myself, masha-allah! power sekali english I! the tenses..the vocab, i tell you.. i was like those english homosapiens! oh yah.. if i talk with my siblings, same thing here.. i was superb! but why aa.. im not that superb while talking in front of the class, with my lecturers, with the homosapiens!! hm.. could it be that i feel 'diri-ini-kerdil-jika-dbandingkan-dgn-kalian' that my english is a complete disaster?????? humph! silly, weird me!

i have a friend, who was once like me.. but the friend made the effort to improve like me.. but somehow, the friend managed to do it while im still struggling to get my words organised.. seriously, i suck! hm.. quite sad about this.. i mean my future has something to do with this language and im no where near to accomplishment.. Lord, what should i do? help me. 

if im not mistaken, whenever i talk or discuss or just pointing out my idea.. nobody seems to understand anything im saying.. they were lost, or should i say, i was lost! that's my second problem.. i hardly pointing my point well.. a good is not good enough.. barely i tell ya, barely! aduii~ so hard aa like this.. i feel like im hopeless when everybody, now thinks im not good at making decision or standing at my own point or things related to that.. 

could it be that i dont have the courage? could it be that i want everyone to be satisfied with me that i was like.. like.. emm.. sort of.. that? hm.. could it be that i suck big time? aish.. i feel like it. i mean, nobody respects my point of view.. nobody! geez.. people just want to win everytime, didnt they? i am very thankful for my 'mnyerah-kalah-selalu' attitude.. if not, lama dah putus kawan.. why cant they lose to me for once.. and listen to me. what are their motive? what? tell me? to show that i dont matter? my words are all rubbish? if nobody follow your words, you will have no feeling to continue this life? then, what about me? oh. --im writing this with emotion-- suck!

--kkeut--

Matang picnic..

...with The Times church family~ more to youth activity.. superb!

8am i was told the car would come and fetch us.. but somehow they arrived earlier than that. but anyway, 19 Nov 2011 had been the fun the day of my youth life.. aisehh! okay, so there were 20 of us including Pak Peter, the church pastor. 4 vehicles; 1 van, 1 myvi, 1 pajero n 1 kancil. it was awesome!

I made a new friend.. her name is Melissa(im not sure how to spell her name.. but yeah, it sounds like that) so, she's my new friend. my adik in Christ. A very special adik i must say. Well, she was born to blind parents. Praise the Lord, she is perfectly healthy, physically. So.. the idea was to get her to join us without her parents. She is 12 and going up.. so, it will be a very dangerous years ahead. So, Pak Pastor is trying to help her to go through those years in the right way.

It is nice to see thing like that.. it makes me also want to go through my years of learning to become a teacher to fly so fast.. i want to touch people's lives! hm.. but going through those years slowly has its own benefits. i know.

So, yeah.. at first, it was hard to separate her and her parents. but, *not to brag or anything* Ella n I managed to do it. She needs to feel that she will be okay.. that's what i believe though. Praise the Lord, her heart was soften when I jumped in and help. it's not my own doing. it's God.

Yeah.. we arrived. Along the way, I couldn't help but to feel dizzy. I am not that strong when Im using car as a transportation. that was not an exception. Lol.. but i held it in. I barely breathe right.. not exaggerating or what.. but yeah it was hard. So, when we arrived, I happy to breathe the air! Halleluya!

Okay, among those 20 of us. most of them are from Segi College! i made friend with them, though all the time i kept quiet. hahahaa.. yeah, the only people i talked to were ella, kak cris n andrew.. and even them, i still kept quiet. i guess i must be so shy among them. i couldnt believe i couldnt strike a single conversation with them. but i could see that they are friendly towards me. they treated me like i am already their friend.. so awesome! The funny thing is.. they know my name, i hardly know theirs. I knw after i listened after a few times when they are calling each other.. even if they were only nicknames. but yeah.. still names.

The first would be.. preparation. Everyone was getting busy. I helped whenever they asked me to do. Seriously, I did not know what to do. You see.. it seemed like every task, it had already been taken care of.. so, i only barged in whenever i asked to. I separated the bilis head and its body, i ate them.. i chopped chilies.. i rubbed my face.. and man, all the times.. i was burnt! im hot! way HOT! let me tell.. after the mandi manda moment.. im still burning.. my fingers especially. hahaha.. experience bah kan.. pengalaman mendewasakan.. 'lain kali jgn sentuh muka' lol

Then.. makan time. like i said, i just kept quiet. i giggles..laughs..smiles.. only few words that came out from my mouth. i listens to their funny conversations.. man, i would love to join them.. but. :)

Then.. the clean up. it was fast.. since everyone was eager to hit the water.

Somewhere before this, a bunch of us girls were going somewhere to take pictures. hahaha.. yeap, pictures taken. but after the 1st shot.. we went to that big tree. one sis suddenly screamed.. she got leech on her pants! LEECH! A VERY SKINNY ONE.. unlike those in the tv. skinny and very scary. So, she screamed.. we helped, actually kak cris helped. so, leech removed.. everyone at the pondok was looking at us.. hahaha.. then, we decided to stop whatever we were doing and headed back to the pondok.. then kak cris pula yg screamed! she got it on her leg! AAAAAA!! but the other kakak already removed it.. yet, she still panicked.. belum sempat sya menenangkan kak cris, a visitor who shared the same bbq pit, came to the rescue. but nothing to be rescued because the leech already been removed. He gave us a tip, leech hates smoke! aaaa... got it! so, because of that leech incident, everyone was scared to get it the water. we were hesitant to go. but then.. we were persuaded.

Water time~ hahaha.. i couldn't say swimming time! because i wasn't swimming at all. just playing. hihi.. ^_^ i wore my tracksuit coz i didnt bring my short. anyway, it's not illegal isn't it? so, yay! Mula-mula MALU YANG TERAMAT! but lama lama.. shiok banget deh! :)

Got others who don't knw how to swim.. they told by using basin, you can float. haha.. did you knw we also have the a watermelon ball? haha.. also used that to float but they played with the ball, so all that was left was the basin. but since that kakak is a kakak.. i didnt dare to touch the basin at first. but later, i did but not all the time. wasnt mine bah. not nice. no manner. 

We had fun in the water.. after a while in the water, it rained. but it didnt stop us. we played! result? we were COLD! EXTREMELY.. even myself. but no one was coming out from the water. they were still playing. so, we fought the coldness and continue playing. and hey look, the rain stopped! weeheee... 

....still cold~  mula mula masuk air.. really didnt want to wet myself but upon the 30 seconds entering the water, i was splashed.. hard! hahaha.. thankyou for splashing! cause i would not have any reason to enter.. ^^

We played water volleyball.. borrowed some guys' volleyball(in the end, those group of guys ended up taking a serious amount of photos of them, underwater--they were using the waterproof camera--i guess they were testing the cam, kot..anyway..the cam looks amazing.i want to buy one!) then.. we changed ball, when they moved out from the water. hahaha.. now that i looked back, it looked like we were dominating that area ourselves. well.. but we did share, there were others too you know. We were in the water, approx. 1hour. 

At 3, we headed back home..more like college. wow.. still have time to pack *this day was also the day my parents came to pick me up.. i told them to pick me up at 6pm* yeah, im on time. Praise the Lord for such a good timing! ^_^

Anyhow.. we had fun. I got to know those from Segi. I am not sure whose younger than me, whose not.. all i know, we were having fun. sure did! One thing i regretted though.. i realised that before we entered the water, not once i asked Melissa to join.. though i knew she didnt had her swimming attire, but at least ask, right? hm.. but since she's willing to join me and ella on the same car, i guess.. it's okay. ^_^ she's a sweet kid. i wish to meet her again next year.

the picnic was amazing.. PTL for FB! i can get in touch with those from Segi! ^_^ and yeah.. awesome! ''i think i should learn how to swim.. i want to dive under as well''